Dec. 14, 2010- Feastday of St. John of the Cross

As I am waiting for a call from a job interview, I am getting anxious. I see a book on the floor, and feel better--I always read when I need to zone out and destress. The book is "Contemplation and Meditation: An Ignatian Guide to Prayer with Scripture." The book has been with me for over a year, and it still has that new book stiffness. I've hardly read it. As a Catholic, Scripture is hard for me to "get into."--(besides Mass readings, with the Liturgy of the Word). I've had practice in college, joining a bible study and practicing "Lectio Divina" --divine reading, but still reading with Scriptures personally is not part of my daily prayers. I believe St. Jerome said, "Ignorance of Scriptures is ignorance of Christ." So, here I go Fr. Gallagher! (the author of this wonderful book). *Fr. Gallagher is a genius, read "Discernment of Spirits" if you really want to blow your mind*

St. Ignatius pretty much says, if you want to know the desires of your heart, then you should read Scripture, because in it, God will draw you to these desires and speak very personally with you. He has a three step method: prepare, ponder, and embrace. Before praying with Scripture, He says it is important to put yourself in the presence of God for the length of an Our Father. (roughly 30 sec. to 1 min depending on how fast you say them Our Fathers!) I personally like to picture Christ standing in front of me--I can literally see his heart aflame, burning on fire. Then I pictured the Holy Spirit, with massive wings above my head, ready to anoint. Next I pictured the Father, (salt/pepper beard) holding out his arms, proclaiming his love for his daughter. After I pictured the Holy Trinity individually, I offered up a little prayer asking for a certain thing..."Lord, give me clarity today." Here goes nothing...

I opened up the Scriptures, flipping through. I stumbled into 1 John Chapter 4, being drawn because of the title "Testing the Spirits". That is key--go to what attracts you or draws you. Don't simply read the Nativity story because it's Christmas time! --unless of course, your attracted to that!

The next part of this is not my own--I got a lot from reading through 1 John 4, from the author Himself--the Holy Spirit. I thought it strange that on the Feastday of St. John of the Cross, I would write a meditation so parallel to this saint.

1 John 4:7-8 "Everyone who loves, knows God. Whoever is without love, does not know God, for God is love."
V 16: We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us.

As you can see, know and believe really stood out to me today.

My prayer: "Lord, help me to know and help me to believe in the love you have for me." I meant it too! I wanted to know and believe that God loves me...I forget so often.

Then I lifted my head and saw the crucifix on my wall. "Gaze upon the crucifix daily." There was my immediate answer! God answered that question in a very concrete way. The cross helps us both to know (what could be more obvious?) and to believe. If you ever forget God loves you, gaze at a crucifix. Notice His body, contorted with pain, chest lifted upward towards the Heavens. Notice His arms racked outward, nailed to the wood in an eternal, constant invitation to embrace. Who is this man calling you to embrace Him? (I can't answer that, I'm still figuring it out)

He wants us to get to know Him. We can't and shouldn't embrace a guy we don't know. By staring at the crucifix, we come to know Him, still the more. His upward gaze, eyes searching towards the Father. Even on the cross, He lifts His bloodied eyes to the FATHER, where we, carrying our own daily crosses, bow our heads and look to the baseness of Earth below to ease our sufferings. But do not despair, for God knows we naturally look below, and that is why He placed His mother below the Cross (at the foot!--she's not off in the distance) standing with both feet planted firmly on the ground, eyes gazing at you. Yes, Jesus gave us His dear Mother to stand below our own crosses, as we shift our heads downward. Look at your mother as your eyes graze the mud beneath you. Yes, you will desire to look at the crowd jeering, the mud and the hell that lies beneath you, but look to Mary, who stands beneath the cross as a consolation. She stands upon Earth, but her eyes like her Son's, gaze upward, reminding us too, that when in sorrow we should also like Christ, gaze at the Mother, then shift our eyes upward to Heaven--to the Father.

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for teaching us about the cross. Thank you for offering your Mother to stand between me and the hell beneath me. St. John of the Cross, pray for us.

Scotland

So, I decided it is quite critical I start blogging. I tell a lot of stories, and my tongue gets tired, and so does your ears. I really do love to write too--so if nobody ever reads this, at least my creative juices are satisfied.

Where do I begin? I am presently sitting in my parent's kitchen, which is a very different location than where I would have thought I would be at this moment. In fact, I would picture myself snuggled under some tartan blanket in the middle of the Scottish highlands complaining about my flat pillows. Sounds about right. But instead a turn has happened, and it is because of the Good Lord. Wow, I may delete this post. Okay, well I will continue.

No, tomorrow I will tell my tale. It is full of bizarre twists and my mind doesn't have the juices right now. I have a wonderful little book I gave my friend, Erika, entitled "Traditional Scottish Recipes." She let me borrow it for the night--I really desire to learn how to hone the porridge recipe! It really is better there--I think it is the oats. They're smoother. Could be the 4% milk too...

There is something about a pure fattening breakfast. It just makes you want to climb mountaintops and do a jig, or sit around. I like doing all of those things, so I will continue to eat my Scottish porridge and yummy toast with clotted cream. (a whopping 9 dollars a jar here compared to the 1 pound jars in Glasgow!) If you haven't tried clotted cream, then you haven't lived. (I actually have never tried it, but I hear it's the ultimate dairy experience)

Well, g'night--sleep with the angels, as my scottish roommate Mairi-Clare would say. Yes, I do love Scotland.