So, as many people know, I've been worried about my health for a long time now (about a year and a half). It actually has been roughly two years, since I lived in the Czech Republic when one day, I was keeled over in pain on the tram and could barely move because of stabbing knife in my stomach. I self diagnosed myself with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and was confident in that, especially when my med school friend, Rachel, confirmed it--her words "I'm 99% sure you have this." I changed my eating habits overnight (I'm kind of an all or nothing girl) and started to reduce processed foods, avoid milk, reduce alcohol, and started eating new breads--rye and sourdough. I felt loads better--and thought I was in pretty good shape. Then...the hair loss. Yep, I had hair loss (and those who are reading this knew how this plagued me!) It was a small spot in the front of my hairline, and God is gracious, so He made it virtually undetectable if I didn't pull my hair back in a pony. I went to two doctors and they had nothing--they said it was stress or iron deficiency. I was also suffering from fatigue and feeling weak all the time. I was really busy and was working non stop and going to school. I literally think college should have its own disease called "Undergrad Fatigue Frenzy" and it would be called "UFF" because that's the noise you always want to make. Well, I started to pray hardcore about this hair loss and I felt God was allowing it for two reasons--to show me I had a health problem that needed addressing that was hidden, and two, to clear up some vanity issues. And believe me, IT DID.
Okay, onward. So, then I found out about this little unknown organism in my intestines called Candida albicans. All my friends know this organism's name too, because I blamed it on ruining my life daily. We all have Candida--and turns out we need this little yeast organism to have a thriving microbial environment in our gut. But, I have too much. Wanna know how I know? Well, prayer...but also I have thrush on my tongue (first common sign). I also had nutritional deficiencies--and this is coming from a girl who's favorite foods are avocados and almond butter! What the heck, right? I had hair loss, fatigue, digestion issues (IBS), and fatigue. Skin problems too--little red spots on my arms/legs from Vitamin A deficiency. Yep, I knew it was Vitamin A. I've been studying this a long time! And God is also good because I discovered through my health crisis that I LOVE nutrition--and also love healing my body with nutrition. I would have studied this in college if I knew I would love it as much as I do. But I still try to evangelize my health gospel to all who want to know :)
So, I tried an "anti-candida cleanse" last summer. It was...awful. I went a whole month and basically ate like a Paleolithic cavewoman--nuts, weird grains (quinoa, millet--yep, what they put in birdseed), chicken (little red meat), and non-sweet fruits (lemons, berries), but truly little of fruits. I wanted to be hardcore. I felt like I was the living dead. I felt thin, and I was thin. I was sidewalk counseling one day and telling my friend Sue about my troubles, and she exclaimed, "That sounds like the GAPS diet!" We ended up talking for hours about the Weston A Price Foundation, and how Dr. Price travelled to 15 different countries studying how primitive cultures eat! (This was in the 1930s) He discovered key elements of their thriving, superior health was fermented foods, animal by products (if it was a vegetarian culture, such as an African tribe, they ate the blood of the cow) and also ate plenty of raw dairy products (cheese and milk). It was joy to my ears--I loved all those things! I love hearing about doing things "the hard and old fashioned way" but I also LOVE to travel, and I was so intrigued by this doctor! I ended up attending meetings called Wise Women of Weston Price and fell in love. But sadly, I was going to live in a retreat house in Scotland and had to give up control of my health. I also heard Scotland has some of the worst dietary habits on Earth. I was crossing my fingers for more of an organic food culture in the Highlands...
I ended up going out to Craig Lodge and was greeted with biscuits (cookies) and black tea (I was avoiding caffeine). Meals were tough--I had to eat whatever they served me, and that was truly a cross. Another hard thing was the whole fast on bread and water twice a week thing. Now, I do this--I always tried to listen to Our Lady of Medjugorje and follow her peace plan. However, at home I either made my own yeast free bread or substituted. At Craig Lodge, we worked all day and I was not in the kitchen, so I ate the cheesy bread and cinnamon sugar breads. I literally felt sick--those breads were NOT good for me, as a person with yeast overgrowth. My hopes for a self sustaining atmosphere with fresh sheep's milk, garden veg, and basically all homemade fare were fleeting. I remember unpacking the car full of groceries (we were a bed and breadfast in a sense, so they always bought a TON of groceries) and filling the freezer full of wonder bread and tub upon tup of "Utterly Butterly." I was very upset and asked "Why do we serve this stuff? It's so bad for you!" And the reply back was "We're living poverty. It's all we can afford." Hmmmm. There is truth in that statement--we WERE living poverty, and we can't expect to buy the highest quality butter imported from Kerry or whatever, but I still had a mind that we could supplement in some areas to buy a healthier bread (and heck maybe even make our own bread!). But, I could see this was not an area to argue. And, my yeast problems were my problems. Maybe other people in the house had iron stomachs or amazing gut flora. But onward home I went...in search of a new solution. And God always provides
This spring has truly been a renewal for me. As my friend Lucy says, we are a Eucharistic people "broken and blessed, broken and blessed." I have felt so many things at once going on in my soul that it is hard to put them into words. Holy Spirit, ahem, I need you again. Ya know, I really keep up this whole blog thing for myself. I love reading through what I've been through. Heh, my mom just walked into the room and told me the Austrailian chef I like (the tall, blonde one) is thirty five. The reason I bring this very necessary bit of information up is that I am now living at home (with my mum and pup) at the ripe old age of twenty-three. It as a severe cross for me when I first started living here. I moved into the "far away" room (a few feet further from the dining room than my old room) and endured it, even though its 20 degrees colder than the rest of the house and I can hear BOTH television sets blaring below me. The inner monk in me was in agony. Not to mention, I was searching for a way out. I had no job, no path, and no hope. I was a lost soul and felt really broken. God in his beautiful way led me to become friends with a wonderful priest of Divine Mercy, and he told me about a mission school in Rome called the Emmanuel School of Mission. Hearing about this school really lifted my soul--it was God's way of telling me--do not worry! I still want to make your heart burn! At this point, I really have no clue what God is doing with me. I feel content where I am. I'll be honest, sometimes I yearn to go explore Russia or live in a beautiful little French village or live in a retreat house in the Swiss Alps. I yearn for the simple life. I yearn for the romance of Europe. I yearn for the ancient, old ways of times long ago. But, I am learning that my greatest yearning is to be united mystically to Jesus. It's the most romantic desire of all. God wants to empty me of these good, even innocent desires of my heart, so that I can allow the greatest desire of all to enter more fully--and in fact completely consume all other desires. HE is everything. Until we can understand how much He yearns to be ONE with us (He wants to marry us one day eternally in His Kingdom!) we will always be chasing pipe dreams and illusions. I want the real life--which is Jesus. I don't care if I have to live in Lincoln the rest of my life working in a cubicle--if I am mystically united to Jesus, then I will have all. 
Lately, I've had angels on my mind. I just told this tidbit to my dad and he said, "Well, when don't you?!" And truly, not that often. I think of God a lot...and Heaven...and saints, but angels? No, I kind of left them out of the Kingdom. Angels are suhweet. I actually was just praying at church and a magazine caught my eye entitled "Angels." I started to flip through it and it was stories about people seeing angels and how they've helped them. One story in particular caught my eye--it was a story about a woman who prayed for her husband while he was working for the Coast Guard on dangerous missions. She took him to the dock with their two kids late on a cold, windy night. As she was watching him board his boat from her car, she noticed a young girl on the dock sitting serenely and kind of just chilling. She had a plaid shirt and jeans on, and had golden hair. She assumed it was a girlfriend or wife of one of the crew. The girl didn't flinch or move even though her car was ten feet away from her. Right when she drove away, she got the strangest sense that the girl was here for her husband. Days later, her husband came back and said everything went very smoothly, and his wife also felt a sense of deep calm while he was gone. She mentioned the young girl to him, and her husband said there was no girl--even though his wife pointed her out to him the night she saw her! The wife was insistent and then asked the crew if anyone had seen this girl and no one had seen her. She felt a peace from God telling her that this young girl was the angel appointed to protect that boat, the Caternary. Angels are appointed by God to protect individuals, families, and even countries! There is an angel for everything that is important to God--because they provide us protection. I love that the angel looked like a hippie. I imagine my angel to be a hippie...who kind of just sings next to me and tries to point out the beauty when I don't see it. She encourages me when I'm lonely or sad, pointing out the hope and joy God wills for me. I know she's there--and I want to start talking to her more. And--angels totally have personalities. Pray to God to reveal your angel(s) personalities! They were picked to be your life's companion for a reason.
