I went to Canada on a "Notre Dame de Vie" (French: Our Lady of Life) retreat in the backwoods of Quebec. I initially did not want to go--I knew it was going to be a series of talks and TBH, as a missionary who is constantly doing Church-related activities and travelling, I just wanted to veg out and make soup or something on my first free weekend in many moons. But God woke me up at 6:30am on a Saturday wide awake and full of energy (if you know me, you can acknowledge this is a miracle!) and so I took it as a kick in the butt from the Holy Spirit that I was meant to attend this retreat. When I arrived at the retreat I noticed it was full of kind, elderly souls who also were in need of spiritual renewal, and to my delight everything was in French, which made me realize how much I love being outside of America. Monsignor Lavalley, a theatrical wise-as-all-get out priest was our retreat director, and as soon as his James Earl Jones-esque, commanding voice started to speak, I was buckled up and riveted to my seat.
Here are some of my notes from the retreat to chew on:
Contemplative prayer...only a child can do it.
"Unless you convert and become like little children,"
Jesus says, "you cannot enter the kingdom of
heaven."
I repeat: only a CHILD can do it. What does that mean? A child is full of trust, looking to their mother and father to help guide them. Children are humble, little creatures. They don't lead themselves--they need someone to carry them along. Children also need and demand attention. Imagine a child who never asked for intention! You can't--because it doesn't exist. Children crave and NEED attention. And, the funny thing is, in the spiritual life, we, the self-sufficient American adults we are, need attention too. We need the Father. We need to rest in His big arms and nestle there. Yes, nestle there! We need to know we are loved and appreciated. But not only appreciated, for appreciated is one of those blah-words you use when you want something deeper, no we hunger for the attention of the Father. We want to know we are delighted in. Yes, God the Father, who created you and me, created us exactly as we are and loves us exactly as we are. With all our warts and wrinkles and drama and messiness--He loves us. And as the children that we are, we must delight in knowing that our Father in Heaven is always our #1 fan. How hard to understand...we are so sinful and selfish...but yet He gazes. An audience of 1 (but the 1 is 3, glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit) is constantly watching His creature, full of joy no doubt, if we are living in His grace, and waiting in expectation for the moment we gaze back. This my friends, is what we call communion, and it what we are created for. And this union is only intensified when we receive the Lord in the Holy Eucharist--for there is the total consummation of the flesh, reminding us of the marital embrace, the two becoming one.
Second, mind blower: Discover the God who lives within you. (Divine Indwelling)
One word tells us everything we need to know about contemplative prayer, and it was uttered by a poor, illiterate 15 year old girl over 2,000 years ago: Yes.
Fiat!
Yes, this little girl was our Lady, the most holy Mother of God. She teaches us contemplation, because God came down from the Heavens, to dwell within her. The Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us. God is living within us too--and like our Lady, when we say YES to God, Jesus happens.
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| Theotokos--she whom the Trinity indwells in |
Divine Indwelling. Do you believe God dwells in you? This is a total game-changer. God is not "out-there" or distant, but He is actually inside of you. Through Baptism, we share in the very life of God dwelling in us. He is there! Do we acknowledge Him?--not nearly enough as our ancestors did I assure you. Our world is too fast, too diverting, too I-phoney. Why talk to God when I can check my FB or listen to Spotify? Wait, we are made for relationship. Relationships require communication (communio) and if I am not talking to God or listening, then there really isn't a whole lot of communion happening. "But I have people--I mean, I get God through people. That's how we communicate. I don't really hear him..." Ah. But here is where we have to be creative--when the relationship gets gray or we run out of things to say or do, we need to get creative. We are made in the image and likeness of THE Creator, right? Lets be creative. I cannot tell you what you need to do--I am still finding ways myself, but I can tell you that in any relationship we have to spice it up once in awhile, or its gonna get as boring as flossing your teeth. Try switch up your "floss flavor,"--you been using "plain, waxed"? I say go for "Cinnamon Tingle" next time, or "Sassy Spearmint"--you get my drift? Do something that will spice up your relationship with God! Visit a monastery. Buy a book that is utterly fascinating. (Amazon, yo) Or rise early to chant the Morning office while listening to Byzantine chants. (That's on my list) Walk in the forest with your journal and bible. Join a bible study or get involved with a prayer group or volunteer group. Teach someone to pray the rosary--if you don't know how, go to www.comepraytherosary.org. Go grab coffee with a priest or sister--ask them their vocation story. Watch "Padre Pio: Miracle Man." Buy an African drum and ask for the gift of praying in tongues and go to town! Praise the Lord! Remember life with God is above all things: an adventure.
Just do something. He sees the effort. He knows your trying.
"If the soul seeks God, her God seeks the soul with even more love, infinitely more love."
-St John of the Cross
We need to be creative in showing our love in all our relationships--why not with God?
One other thought: to enter into contemplative prayer, which is in Monsignor's words "resting in the arms of the Father," we need to expect something: emptying of self.
Prayer is a pilgrimage into the heart of God. It is to empty one's self for the sake of souls--its truly a missionary journey. The more we enter into God, the more He enters into us (infusion) but God does not start to resemble us...no we who are nothing fade into HE who is all ALL. The more we become like Christ, the more Christ is crucified IN US. "Now, this is hard... I don't want to be crucified. Why would anyone want that?" Let me repeat, to enter into contemplative prayer we have to TRUST the cross of Christ within us.
Behold! Behold! The Wood of The Cross...on which has hung our salvation...oh, come let us adore!
Christ is in you and He is in me. Oh yes, He is Risen and glorious, but He also bears the marks of His glory--the five wounds in His hands and feet, in you and in me. The more we become like Christ, the more we will resemble the Bridegroom. (The Bride must resemble the Bridegroom--Jesus to St. Faustina) Souls are costly. We cost Him everything--all the blood and water flowed out of Him to the last drop. Through this cross in us, which we must TRUST because it comes from Jesus, we will lose our lives to save them. A saint once said, the cross is the only ladder to Heaven. Jesus saved us by the cross--so too, we will be saved by the cross.
2 Corinthians 4: 8-12
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
I Peter 2:22
For unto this are you called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving you an example that you should follow his steps.
Luke 14: 27
And whosoever doth not carry his cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
Galatians 6: 14
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.
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| Saints show us how to suffer like a boss. St. Maximilian Kolbe, martyr at Auschwitz. |
In short, we can save souls with Christ inside of us , by offering up our small and great sufferings to God--which we call "redemptive suffering. Suffering is the only road we have to trod to save souls. Period. Look at Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before the cruelest death in human history, "Father, let this cup pass from me, but let not my will be done, but thy will be done. "
No I am not saying Christ's own suffering wasn't sufficient or that His death wasn't enough the first time to save our souls. I am sayin', ....just sayin' that in God's great plan of redemption he wanted us, the Body of Christ, to participate and co-cooperate.
I Corinthians 12:26
And if one member suffer any thing, all the members suffer with it: or if one member glory, all the members rejoice with it.
Colossians 1:23-24 Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church
So. I did not even mean to write all that! But guess, somebody out there needed to hear about redemptive suffering (aka myself). Often when i write it helps me understand something deeper.
One last thing about prayer. With contemplative prayer, expect it to be a road of emptying. You are emptying yourself, so you can enter into God. Expect darkness, dryness, loneliness, and feelings of abandonment. John of the Cross calls this the "dark night of the soul," or at least the beginning stages of it. But offer it up for souls--God uses it all for the good of the world.
As Fr Marie-Eugene, founder of the Notre Dame de Vie Institute, says to remember about suffering:
Dawn does not come until the night is over.
We do not climb Calvary as heroes, like champions who have won the race. A saint is not a hero: he is someone filled with God and with God's strength.
And when faced with the Cross, we are all weak. Weak, little children. (praise God for crosses!)
Yes in order to enter into contemplative prayer, and ultimately in order to grow closer to God, we need to become like little children. Little, weak, and totally dependent. He is watching and He is within us.
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| Fr Marie-Eugene |
