Mir! Mir! Mir!

I have not written since my crazy trip to Europe--and it's not right because I have so much to say! First of all, I am a Catholic missionary at University of Florida--the top party school in the country. God has called me to do this mission, and it humbles me and confounds me. As a missionary, I have a call to introduce Jesus Christ to college students. My call is to direct them back to Church, where they will find true meaning in their lives--because our ultimate purpose for existence is in fact, UNION WITH GOD. (Beatific vision, yo!) Heaven is what we're made for--eternal union. But we can attain union on this Earth too--many saints and mystics have achieved it (St. Teresa of Avila for starters, google this "Transverbiation of the Heart")

So as I said, I'm here for the Lord's business, and funny thing is, God's way of doing things is waaaaaay different than the world's way of doing things. As a missionary, I have encountered many trials, but I think the biggest one is this: Myself. "That's a weird thing she said..." Yes, I mean it. You see, we often get stuck in our mindview--our perception, and this is incredibly limiting. I fall into many traps in my thinking, and God is always trying to pull me out of myself, or my way of doing things. St. Catherine of Bologna said in her Treastise on Seven Spiritual Weapons, that one of the greatest gifts we can attain from God in this life is the grace to conquer yourself--the death of the will. Jesus did it. How can we forget His cry of agony in the garden "Lord, let this cup pass from me...yet not my will be done but yours!" This should be the cry of our hearts, "Lord, it's all for you...everything, everything I do--whether pleasurable or intolerable, THIS IS FOR YOU, my love!" (Or gritted teeth "Jeeeesssuuus, thiiisss is for UUUU")  ---thats more me.

I had an incredible ride home on the bus tonight. I initially did not want to ride the bus home (my comfort-convenience driven American nature was flarin' up) but I knew that I needed to do it. It was a gut instinct--it was subtle, but I could feel it. My gentlemenly teammates insisted I let them drive me, but I really felt pulled to take the bus. I wandered to the bus stop, and realized it didn't have my bus numbers on the sign. I started to kick myself a bit, and realized I now needed to download the special app to see bus times/schedules/routes. I was puzzled, the sky was getting darker, and I felt worry lurking around me. "Let nothing disturb you, God alone suffices..." (St. Teresa of Avila) Yes, it was a test in trust. I've been struggling with keeping internal peace lately, and I was begging God to fight for me in that way--to protect me with His peace. I realized that when I worry...and start to feel anxious, that I am actually stepping away from God--because He is Peace itself. Luckily enough, a bus pulled up, and I asked the bus driver if he was headed my way, and he said no, but started to drive me to a stop where I could manage a different route. I sat down in the bus and my eyes met a young man, who was sitting in a wheelchair with only one arm and leg. He let me know he had a bladder infection, and was stuck at the hospital--and from there we discussed his illness and how it keeps him from getting around. He was very cheerful and had a peace about him--I was so impressed. I asked him where he went to church, and marvelously he went to the same church I am on mission at! I marveled at the beauty of Providence for having us meet. I got to my stop, and got off the bus and found myself in awe. The Lord was speaking clearly...

You see, I have not had a car since I moved out to Gainesville.  We live about six miles from campus...and you know after awhile, you start to feel very restricted. I've also had poor health--I went ot the doctor and they ran an EKG on my heart. She said I had a peculiar reading of very high T waves...which is an electrolyte imbalance. Apparently, my diet of nuts, homemade yogurt, and coconuts is making me potassium heavy! She ran seven blood tests, and I have yet to understand wha the issue is with my health.  I would often complain about my lot, and then would imagine how much better I'd appreciate everything if I had a car or if I could get my health right "Then I could really live..." Ha, but the Lord is in His gentle, yet direct manner is reminding me that I need to rejoice in all things. My friend on the bus was an inspiration--the Lord carefully chooses our crosses, He knows the weight we can bear. And yet, we question Him on the load...we rebel, we complain...we imagine our situation without the weight. This is where I lose my peace.

I watched an incredible movie on Sunday "The Way" starring Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevaz. I have been told my innumerable folks that I need to see this flick based on backpacking the 1,000 mile trek from the French Pyrenees to the NW coast of Espana. This trek is actually a 1900 year old pilgrimage route called the Camino de Santiago (Way of St. James) and I have been pining to walk it since I heard about it! The movie is about a young vagabond who LIVES to travel, and his uptight  father who is a rich optomologist in southern Cali. The father-son clash naturally, but indeed they see life from different worldviews. I don't want to ruin the story, but what two central themes popped out at me from film. First: life in its very essence is a pilgrimage...a journey...a grand adventure.  This question poked me:  "Why am I not living each day like an adventure?" I only get one shot (right, Eminem?)...and I have an incredibly adventurous spirit. Life IS what you make it--you can make it as adventurous as you want, and you don't have to be doing a 1,000 mile trek (although it's highly recommended!)It's all in how we view things--and it is indeed our attitudes that determine the richness of our lives.  Dos! We are made for community--and we shouldn't go it alone. In the film, the young man walked the Camino alone...Later in the film, a character commented that the  Camino is not intended to be walked alone--it is meant to be walked in community. I have always wanted to wander the Camino alone--so this pulled at me--but it is intrinsically in our identities that we walk the pilgrimage of life in a community--not as Lone Rangers, but with brothers and sisters headed in the same direction. An enlightening moment for this-solitude-seeker!

Back to the bus stop. I find bus 35 pulling up and I throw myself on. It's packed and I am yakkin on the phone to my friend Liz. The sky was cotton candy pink and I exclaimed when I saw it. The two folks next to me also took the time to turn and look, and I heard their admiration at the sky. The two folks next to me turned out to be Italian! (I shouldn't have been surprised that ITALIANS took the time to look-- those little lovers of all things beautiful!) I told them about my travels to Italy, as I am in a Italian movement in the Catholic Church, called Movimento Carmelitani Ecclesia. (Ecclesial Carmelite Movement) I was so joyful to be speaking with Italians (you truly don't meet many outside of Italy--"We're Italianos, so why go anywhere elsaaa?") But seriously, Italy could be explored for a thousand years and never get old. So, I met these beautiful Italians( who ALSO go to my church) and I asked them if they own a car. "We do!" they chirped. "But we like to walk or ride our bikes to campus (a whopping six miles one way!) and I was amazed. "We drive very little...and we only rode the bus today because it rained."  Daaaang--God just schooled me again. These two people own a car, yet they still take the round about, not convenient way to get to campus everyday. I was so joyful "Man, I need to evangelize on buses more..." It's funny when I get out of my comfort zone, I come alive socially.  I tend to make a fool out of myself, so I naturally meet strangers. It's the best.

So what was the Lord teaching me today? A lot.
 First...life is an adventure--let the Spirit guide you.
Be grateful for all you have, because trust me your cross is much lighter than the bus mate next to you.
Let not comforts and convenience BIND you.
Take the road less travelled.
And, guard your heart above all things-- for it is truly the wellspring. As soon as you feel anxiety or worry, call out to Jesus, who is Peace Himself. Beg for the gift to be peaceful at all times--no matter what. No storm will be able to overturn your boat, and no darkness can overpower your light when your heart is resting in Jesus, who is perfect peace. "Mir! Mir! Mir!" (Translation from Croatian: Peace! Peace! Peace!) These words are from Our Lady of Peace, who has been appearing for the past 31 years in Medjugorje, Bosnia and Herzegovina. We must fight for our peace--it starts in the heart. And we must fight to see as Jesus sees "with fresh eyes" always looking for the wonder and adventure around us. Life is meant to be lived to the full--John 10:10.