New Dawn...in Chicago

Okay, let me just start with some crazy stuff. The Megabus brought me to Chicago last night. It was intense--the speakers had some crazy 70's soul/disco hits, gospel, and Eminem blaring in my ear. I even heard "Survivor" blaring at 2am by Destiny's Child. It really was unbearable. I took the cotton out of my probiotics container, and stuffed it in my ears, wrapped my fleece around my head, and tried to position my inflatable neck pillow around my ears. Nothing worked. I even moved to the back of the bus because according to fellow back of the bus dwellers, they didn't perceive any loud, annoying disco hits. Well, I definitely snagged a seat with extra loud disco spazz music in my ear. At exactly 3am the music stopped--I probably slept for an hour and half before the swaying woke me up. Oh yes, the double decker Megabus was totally swaying as the wind from the highway made it toss and turn like a ship in the Midwestern sea. I had to laugh. Now it was just ridiculous--I started to pray for the driver, because he sounded super tired last time he made an announcement (at 1am) stating: He is tired and hope he makes it. Re-assuring! So I'm sitting up watching the bus sway, and also feeling the bus move in zig zags, and felt like it was a grave possiblity that the bus may actually tip over (it didn't have gargantuant amounts of people on it!) and that the possibility of my backpacking trip was over. I would have to try to grab a seat in front of me as the bus tips, and hang on for dear life, so that I wouldn't fly out the window. As my thoughts turned to death, I realized I was loopy from little sleep, and decided that the plane would be even scarier (Turbulance freaks me) so I will just make myself comfy in case the bus really does tip.

So, I get to Union Station, but get dropped off on the street in front. A young lady informs me my belt from my red coat is dragging on the ground--I wasn't surprised, but was super grateful I didn't lose yet another belt. (I lose the belt to my black sweater already) I look like a turtle--my Northface backpack (my only bag for 7 wks) is stuffed to the max and looks like a round hump. My back is killin' -- I am pretty sure I could use a chiropratic appt already. But I only have like four shirts, and one pair of pants, and a dress, pjs, 7 underwears, and 4 socks, so what can i spare? I have a laptop (which I am typing on at Starbucks) and I felt this was non-negotiable. So I walk around Union Station...and find a fun baggage locker that cost 3 bucks an hour (I'm here for five)--I opted out. My backs hurts--yeah, whatever it's Holy Week! (Happy Lent!) So, then this lady comes up to me--she asks me for a quarter, and I don't have one. She then tells me she is trying to get to church (HEY ME TOO) and I go "Really? Where you going?" And she said some church really far away, and mentioned teleprompters...and yeah, I was done. She proceeded to talk to me about Christianity, and how the Lord wants all denomination to be one, and how divisions in Christians is the work of Satan. She actually had some truth there--but then she went on to talk about racism...and how Obama should punish the American who shot the Afganis, and how the police are horrid in Chicago, and how crime is everywhere, oh, and how black men are truly persecuted. All good things--but truly my back was killing, and she didn't take a breath. I cut her off, and said I really needed to get to mass as it's Palm Sunday, and she directed me to Old St. Pat's which was three blocks. This church is so old--ITS THE OLDEST BUILDING IN CHICAGO! Can you believe that? It survived the Great Fire. It's incredible...I was blown away. I walked in very classily with my purse strangling me, my backpack pumping into things, and pumped into some ushers--I whispered loudly during the Readings "Is this a Catholic Church?" I was afraid she directed me to Episcopalian or Presbyterian or something. They all laughed and thought it was funny, and told me to go sit in the choir loft. I was so elated, there was so many cute families up there, and the view was awesome. The priest read the very long gospel and he had a guitar player in the background emphasizing certain dramatic moments. At first, my traditional Catholic nose turned up a bit, but then I thought "Okay, this is unique!" I found out the guitar player is a famous performance artist, (forgot the name), but he was good-looking and had a crowd around him after mass--he flew in from California just to play the guitar during the Gospel.

I loved the priest's homily--he mentioned emotional crucifixition and emphasized a message I never hear on the pulpit: how we must die to ourselves and be emotionally crucified. We also must sweat blood...he said his mother once told him "If you don't sweat blood sometimes, you truly can't make commitments. You won't commit to your priesthood, you won't commit to a marriage, and you won't commit to anything truly worthy." Love requires sacrifices (emotional crucifixition) and Jesus Himself experienced it. He died on the cross, but was it easy for him on a human level to say Yes to the Father? Yes, this was His destiny, but do not forget His words in the Garden--words of agony, no doubt, "Father, take this cup from me! But let it be not MY WILL, but yours!" Do you hear the resignation to love in that? I certainly do--Jesus knew out of love for His children He must be lacerated, humiliated, and nailed to a tree. He would be a sign of mockery in front of all his people. Out of love, we too must sweat blood in our personal gardens. What is it in your life that you can see that you must deny your will and take on God's? God's will is not always about our preferences...our desires...our feelings...often it is a bloody bath of sweat in a garden. A sweet bath to be sure--because when we shed blood for God (physically or emotionally) we reap a harvest for souls, and we cleanse ourselves of self-love. We are more free--we are more open to the better Way. How many times did Jesus emphasize "Come and follow me?" Did He say "Hey, come follow me, it'll be a great ole time! Drinks on me!" (Although He did surprise everyone with a free round at the Wedding in Cana) Did he not say "Deny yourself, take up YOUR CROSS and follow me?" Do you know your cross? I certainly know some of mine--and I'd be open to sharing one of them. Father mentioned the "great loneliness" and how often when we are striving for holiness, we feel alone. We are with friends and family, but feel misunderstood. We feel we are the only ones to stick up for moral integrity at work or school. We often feel an ache in our hearts--Jesus gave us this ache so we'd run to Him. The closer we get to HIM, the bigger the ache becomes. No earthly creature can fill it--no Apple product can dull it, the pain is fierce and sharp, but it is a wound of love that can only be healed by the Divine Physician.

So, there was a really cute family in front of me, and the mom was amazing! I asked her if there was any cute breakfast places nearby, and she told me to go to "Meli's" and then offered to give me a ride! She proceeded to tell me she was a modern dancer in Brussels, and her cute little girl asked me if I like rabbits (we were listening to a rabbit Easter cd) and the ride lasted about 2 minutes! I knew I wasn't going to Meli's--I had nut bread, and plenty of granola bars. But, I wanted to give the family an opportunity to do an act of charity for a poor ragamuffin--plus they were so cute, I loved the company. They dropped me off in GreekTown (I LOVE IT) and now I am at corporate Starbucks. I ran into the man who laughed at me when I asked if the church was Catholic, and we ended up chatting for five minutes. My favorite part of travelling HANDS DOWN is all the encounters with people. Travelling alone opens you up to strangers in ways that cannot be experienced in your hometown. I feel "more available" and don't have anywhere to be--and bascially there is a great freedom in being alone in a new place. Don't get me wrong--my back kills--and I really get confused looking for bus stations, but for the most part, I feel really alive travelling alone. God is with me though--so technically, I am a poser. He takes care of me way too well.

Well, on to go find some organic eyeliner, and talk to some more random people and then head to O'Hare. I think I could live in Chicago...I don't really big cities, but seriously everyone is very friendly! (Ha, there God is protecting me again, He only sends me the nice people probably to keep me naaive) Har Har Har. One thing I feel I should touch on: I feel very different travelling to Europe this time around than my last trip. I was just reading my last blog post--I feel like a completely different person than that girl who trampsed around Bosnia and Scotland by herself. For starters, I am not searching for meaning with this trip. I am on a pilgrimage--but the pilgrimage is in honor of the Mother of God, because I feel like she really was a strong intercessor for me this past year. I prayed a 54 day rosary novena in September for healing, and the day after it was over, I got the "call" to be a FOCUS missionary. I am happy to return back to the US after my travels...I am excited to commit to a mission. I am excited to make my own cleaning products in my own apartment, and plant a garden. I am basically excited to root myself somewhere, which is incredibly strange! But truly my back is not strong enough to backpack all my life :) I need a man to carry around my backpack...maybe, I'll marry someone with a strong back, and that will solve that problem. Jesus had a strong back. He carried a cross for miles...well, He can pick out a dude with a strong back--strong enough to carry me too, because I would be a cross to be married too. Har Har Har. Okay, I am done with shenanigans in Starbucks. Gonna go re-arrange my backpack in the Starbucks bathroom, and see if I can get rid of anything else.

I'll leave you one of my fav quotes:
" Travel can be a kind of monasticism on the move: On the road, we often live more simply (even when staying in a luxury hotel), with no more possessions than we can carry, and surrendering ourselves to chance.
This is what Camus meant when he said that “what gives value to travel is fear”—disruption, in other words, (or emancipation) from circumstance, and all the habits behind which we hide. And that is why many of us travel not in search of answers, but of better questions" (Pico Iyer)

'